I know that comedians and writers have made jokes about and written ad nauseum about men and their love of their boy parts. I honestly always thought that the jokes were exaggerated just to be funny. Hyperbole in action. Now that I'm raising a boy, I see that they weren't kidding. It seems like each day my son lets me know in some way that he is enamored with his wiener. This is all new territory for me. I didn't grow up around boys. I have one sister; my Mom was one of five girls. Our speciality is girls. When I found out I was pregnant with a boy, I had to go out and buy books about raising boys. I knew I was going to need all the help I could get. Thankfully I have friends who are raising boys so that's been helpful to be able to compare notes and ask, "Does you son do fill in the blank?" (usually something innapropriate and socially unacceptable). So with this in mind, here are a couple of texts from the past two days:
Yep-- his balls are just there to look cool. It's amazing how biology works. It's hard to know how to react in these situations. I don't want him to feel ashamed of his male organ or think that anything he is feeling is unnatural. At the same time, I don't want to see him doing things like use his privates as a gun. Which he has. Sound effects and all. "Phew, phew".
In a similar vein, I sent this text yesterday:
In a similar vein, I sent this text yesterday:
OK, on to a new topic. Over the past few weeks, my son has decided that it's funny to shove crap under the locked bathroom door whenever I'm in there. He doesn't like being locked out but I don't like him sneaking up on me while I shower and ripping back the shower curtain à la Norman Bates in Psycho. Or he'll just come in to ask me stupid random questions while I'm trying to have a few relaxing moments to myself. The first text below is to a family member with three kids:
The little hat is a hard Playmobil helmet. Just recently I stepped on it with my bare foot (sharp side up, just like in the photo) and it was so painful it brought tears to my eyes. People talk about how painful Legos are when stepped on; I tell you that Playmobil accessories could give Lego a run for their money.
When I get out of the shower and see this stuff on the floor I have to admit that I find it funny, just because it's so absurd. I can't let my son know this though or it will only encourage him. By the way, this is a problem I have ALL THE TIME (and I know it's true for other parents too). He will say or do something inappropriate and I have to turn my face away so he doesn't see me laugh or smile. He's getting better about catching me though and will even say, "If it's so bad then why are you laughing?" Dammit. I hate it that I can't outsmart him.
These last two things aren't super funny but just a couple of the many random thoughts I have on any given day. Sometimes I keep them to myself; sometimes I share them with my friends and family (AKA my "helpless victims").
It's the absolute truth that my husband was called "The Whiner". My son just learned about this recently and thought it was hilarious. I told him, "I don't know why you think that's so funny. Your nickname when you were smaller was 'Whiney Junior'". I won't complain about my husband and kid and their whiney tendencies since they can't defend themselves. Let's just say that whatever faults I may have, no one has ever accused me of being a whiner as a kid or adult. I have plenty of other shitty characteristics but I'm not a whiner. That gives me a vague feeling of satisfaction. Very vague, but I'll take it.