I've been holding onto the text below since last week. I've been trying to think of a way to creatively insert it into a post. I've finally decided that there's no way to do so. Just read and you'll see why:
You see-- there is absolutely no topic that can transition into groundhog sex. The coupling happened at one of the busiest intersections in town. I was waiting at a red light so I was an unwitting voyeur to the rodent lovin'. (Just had to google, "Are groundhogs rodents?";Yes-- yes they are). The groundhogs were so into the moment. You could just hear the "bow-chicka-bow-bow" 70's porno music in the background. This happened probably 10 years ago, so I didn't have an iPhone to record the event although you can bet I would have. But then that would have made me some kind of weird animal pornographer, so maybe it's for the best that I didn't have access to that kind of technology.
Today I had my annual physical. The regular kind-- not the lady parts kind. I sent this text:
Today I had my annual physical. The regular kind-- not the lady parts kind. I sent this text:
My doctor's office apparently moved six months ago: I didn't know. Thankfully the practice stayed in the same building. The receptionist I talked to looked like she'd reached the point where after six months she was sick of giving directions to lost patients; she had her own GD patients to deal with.
Unrelated-- I recently saw this for sale at the grocery store:
I had never seen this product before. I had the thought-- if you drink AND spill so much red wine on yourself that you actually need this product, perhaps wine stains aren't your biggest problem. Perhaps a little moderation might be in order. Just a thought...
Lastly, I just checked my wallet. I have $12 cash on me. I have the Russian song "Ochi Chernye" ("Dark Eyes") stuck in my head. If someone can make that song quit playing in my brain, I will give you the $12 and my undying gratitude. Don't get me wrong. The song is a classic and I like it. After hearing it 472 times in my head in the past two hours, I'll do anything to make it stop. Perhaps wine would help (white, not red). Anyway, scroll to the 3:16 mark to hear "Dark Eyes". Or don't.