If you've read any of my past posts, you know that I'm accident prone and clumsy, which is why this book caught my eye:
Time for my weekend recap. Normally when someone says that to you, don't you think, "Great. How do I keep an interested frozen smile on my face for the next five minutes?". But fear not beloved reader. You know I would never do that to you. Instead I've got my usual random nonsense to share with you. It's all I know really. I used my lunch hour on Friday to visit a local thriftshop. I'm still looking for ideas to make sure my "Funny Blog Friday" post on the 12th is as funny as it can possibly be. I've put aside some photos that I may use in that post. In the meantime, here are some items that didn't make the cut but are still kind of funny (in my opinion). Is it just me, or does Granny seem to have a guilty look on her face? Speaking of faces, I hope she uses some of her retirement funds to get that spot on her cheek looked at. If you've read any of my past posts, you know that I'm accident prone and clumsy, which is why this book caught my eye: Another friend, Christopher, had this to saw about my all-girl banjo group: I probably don't even have to mention it, but you know one of the songs in our repertoire will be my still-unfinished masterpiece, "Shit on my Pillow". We'll probably use it to close the show, because you know, it's the song that made us famous. OK, new topic. My seven-year old son is an only child. I sometimes wonder if he might be a little spoiled. Then I sent out the email below and I knew for sure that he has a rather pampered childhood: A couple of years ago I got EXTREMELY lucky and was able to buy a set of Italian Sferra sheets for our king bed at a ridiculous discount at Tuesday Morning. These are the sheets that cost like $1700 per set (I'm not even kidding about that). I think they are 800 thread count; it feels like you at sleeping on angels wings (that's the softest thing I could think of). Seriously, it makes all other bedding feel like burlap. My son has complained recently that he wants soft sheets like ours. I've been trying to keep an eye out for high thread count twin sheets when out shopping but I haven't had any luck so far. So today I looked at the Sferra website and the clearance section. So yeah, I found something similar to ours. Just the twin flat sheet is $258, reduced from $345. I didn't bother to add up how much the entire set would cost. Because it looks like he'd better get used to sleeping on burlap. Mostly I think it's hilarious that a seven year old boy is aware of how expensive sheets feel nicer compared to regular ones. This doesn't bode well for the future. "Mother-- is this orange juice freshly squeezed? It tastes like it came from a carton. Oh, please remember to buy the three-ply toilet paper in the future. I find the two-ply irritating." (ha) I got this response from my friend Ivory: Speaking of kids being spoiled, we attended an "End of the School Year" party on Sunday. It was a fun backyard party with a trampoline and water games. They had a sack race kit and a piñata for the kids. My son was excited about the piñata because he'd never got to hit one before. Unfortunately, the first blindfolded kid broke the piñata apart on the very first swing. So that was disappointing. The Mom said she had purchased the piñata at Walmart, which makes me think I'll check other retailers if we ever need one for a party. I didn't even know it was possible to do this, but the party hosts had called ahead for an ice cream truck to show up at their house at a designated time. I thought that was a clever idea. That way every kid (and parent) could have exactly what they wanted. I noticed this on the side of the ice cream truck: I don't care much for clowns. Have you noticed? Another fun attraction at the party was a Slip-N-Slide. My son and the other kids had a blast. I hadn't seen one in years. This is what a Slip-N-Slide looks like in 2015: When I was a kid, there were no bumpers to keep you from sliding off the end. There were no cute little inflatable cushions to slide on. This is was the Slip-N-Slide of my youth: That's right kids. Our summertime fun in the 70's consisted of sliding on a big plastic tarp that we weighted down with bricks or rocks. This is just an image I found on the internet but I had to do a double take because it reminded me of my grandparent's house. I had forgotten that feeling of your skin scraped raw as you skidded across the lawn. You would be covered in grass by the time you finished playing. My son was covered in grass AND mud by the time we left yesterday so I guess some things never change. If I'm honest, I have to admit that I'm a little jealous at how much better his childhood is compared to mine. Still if I had to sum up the awesomeness of his childhood I would just say this one word: iPad. Oh, and cartoons "On Demand" on TV 24-hours a day. And car seats that protect you from becoming a high-velocity projectile in a fender bender. I'll stop here because I could write an entire post on this topic. And perhaps I will in the future...
16 Comments
Is that book supposed to be for someone who WANTS to live a catastrophic life? I don't get it. Yeah it didn't take long before my boys discovered their sheets felt like sandpaper (polyester blend anyone?). Hey I didn't feel the need to buy sheets when occasional accidents were still a strong possibility. I remember never sliding very good on a slip-in-slide. It's like there was never enough water pouring over it and I'd just stop midway.
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Gina
6/8/2015 01:18:44 pm
I didn't even pick up the book to see what it was about. I just assumed it was about me. (Ha. Kind of).
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Cathy
6/8/2015 04:46:27 pm
Slip-N-Slides have gotten far crazier than that now in 2015. There's a company now that does "Slide the City" events with a 1,000 foot long Slip-N-Slide in the middle of cities in the US and Canada. It is kinda unbelieavable: http://www.slidethecity.com/
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Gina
6/9/2015 12:09:10 am
Oh my gosh, I had never seen such a thing. Obviously I lead a very sheltered life. I watched the video clip and I wondered, "How do they keep momentum going during that entire distance?". Maybe the slide is on a slight incline. All I could imagine is that I would probably come to a stop halfway through the slide and then jam up every person behind me. This was very interesting. Thanks so much for sharing!
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6/9/2015 01:42:41 am
How much better kids have it today is a never-ending well of material. I just realized that when I was younger we'd make fun of our grandparents who didn't have anything. "We didn't have happiness in my day! We were miserable and we loved it, dammit." Now we have become them. Well, I say "we" even though you're not anywhere old enough to be a grandparent yet. I didn't go on a slip-n-slide until I was twenty. It was set up down a very long hill. In a way I think it was better that I had to wait. I appreciated it more, and the added weight gave me enough momentum to go rolling about a hundred feet after the thing ended.
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Gina
6/9/2015 02:01:23 am
You mention that I'm not old enough to be a grandparent yet, but I am! I have an friend who's only two years older than me and yet her granddaughter and my son are the exact same age. If I'd accepted that marriage proposal at 18 I'd likely be a grandmother now. Ugh. I think. Or maybe it would be awesome because my child-rearing days would be over and I would just be having a good time playing with my grandbabies.
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Gina
6/9/2015 03:15:21 am
I'm so glad you find Safety Clown creepy as well. Please, take a seat here next to me and lets discuss the many ways that clowns are disturbing. Why do they still exist in 2015 anyway? You may want to cancel all your afternoon appointments because this might take a while.
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6/9/2015 06:41:07 am
Safety Clown wants you to walk behind the truck because that'll make it easier for him to grab you and stuff you in the back without anyone seeing.
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Gina
6/9/2015 06:57:11 am
You know what-- I would actually like to see Safety Clown try to abduct me with his freakishly positioned hands. I'm thinking he can't have much muscle strength in those hands. Probably. If he can get me into the back of a van using just his neck hands, then I probably deserve whatever fate has in store for me.
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6/9/2015 07:44:51 am
I think you and Safety Clown need to arm wrestle and settle this once and for all.
Gina
6/9/2015 07:55:41 am
Gah! Arm wrestle with Safety Clown? Perish the thought! He'd win by sheer psychological advantage. I'm scared of clowns! Also, he'd probably touch his greasepaint-covered face right before we clasped hands and then his hand would be slick and I wouldn't be able to get a good grip. I'd be so unprepared for the greasy hands he'd immediately win based on the surprise factor. No. We'll have to battle a different way. Words are my strong point. Maybe challenge him to a rap battle? Hmmmm... I'll have to think about this.
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Clearly the Grandma doll with the infinity sign on her forehead, is supposed to be the mascot for the Apple Pandowdys.... And, a TARP?????We were lucky if we could kype a plastic garbage bag to cut up and slide on.
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Gina
6/9/2015 12:58:38 pm
You're right-- tattooed Granny WOULD be a perfect mascot for the Pandowdys. Why didn't I think of this? You're a genius Ellen! Oh, and how are you on banjo? Because the four members of the quartet aren't yet set in stone. Gertrude is turning out to be more of a diva than anyone expected.
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Alas unless I can play air banjo you are sil...bur Gertrude? She's a bitch and everybody knows it. Get rid of her NOW. But only if you want----holy cow why didn't I think of this before...Use the 3500 thread count sheets for the Slip N Slide!!! Add a little dish detergent and you're golden!
Gina
6/9/2015 03:03:32 pm
Mildred's our best player and as a favor to her we took on her cousin Gertrude. Against my better judgment I might add. She may have hip surgery coming up soon so that will give us the perfect excuse to be rid of her.
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November 2016
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