My mention of Kiev yesterday jogged some of my stranger memories. I want to say from the beginning that the following events are so odd you may think I'm lying. If necessary, I volunteer to take a lie detector test. While visiting Kiev, my Russian Mom and I stayed at the apartment of an old friend of hers. I can't remember this woman's name to save my life-- maybe Larissa? We'll call her that in any case. Larissa and my Russian Mom had worked together on movie sets as young women. Larissa was what you'd call the artistic type. She never married or had children and her apartment will filled with original artwork that she had created. I saw photographs of Larissa when she was younger and she was gorgeous. She had real-life Rapunzel hair which she had worn in long thick braid. Even my Russian Mom said she'd never seen anyone will such thick hair. As an older woman, Larissa had short salt and pepper hair and a dark mustache. Why she didn't do something about that mustache is something I will never understand. Ten seconds and a razor and I could have solved her facial hair problem. Obviously she must not have considered it a problem. Larissa had a gas stove in her kitchen and she kept one pilot light lit at ALL TIMES. She called it her "eternal flame". She was so proud that it hadn't been turned off in like 14 or 17 years. I don't remember the exact number but it was in the teens. One time my Russian Mom and I made tea and we warmed up the water in a teapot on the eternal flame. After the water boiled, I removed the teapot and turned off the gas. Which is what any NORMAL person would do in that situation. I will never forgot the look of absolute HORROR on my Russian Mom's face when she saw what I had done. Thank God Larissa wasn't in the kitchen with us at that moment. I remember my Russian Mom's hands were practically shaking as she grabbed a box of matches and relit the flame. The whole incident happened quickly and thankfully Larissa never knew that I had extinguished her eternal flame.
The Dnieper River runs through Kiev. In the years immediately following the Chernobyl disaster, residents were advised not to swim or eat fish from the river because of radiation contamination. Larissa was so proud to tell me that she took a daily swim in the river. It was like her own personal "fuck you" to the authorities. She was an unconventional lady but I wanted to tell her, "You are swimming in radioactive water (probably). What point are you trying to prove?" I didn't say anything but I thought that it was insane on her part.
Being a city dweller and living in an apartment, Larissa didn't own any land. However she did have access to the city parks. Apparently she made a hobby of secretly planting vegetables in parks around the city. One day my Russian Mom, Larissa and I made a trek to several different parks so she could harvest some fresh potatoes. I vaguely remember seeing a man following us for quite a while but I didn't pay particular attention to him. At one of the parks, I remember you had to go down a set of stairs. While Larissa and my Russian Mom rooted around in the bushes for the contraband potatoes, I stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting for them. It was kind of boring frankly. Suddenly Larissa and my Russian Mom started waving their arms and yelling, "Phew! Get out of here! Leave!" They were looking in my direction. I turned around and the man I'd seen earlier was standing on the steps, uh, pleasuring himself. Maybe "pleasuring himself" isn't exactly the correct phrase to use as you might imagine him reading a book and eating an ice cream cone. To be precise, he was masturbating. To me. I have no idea why; he must have been a sick man. It's funny to me that he was just a few feet behind me and I was oblivious the whole time. He could have finished, zipped up and left and I would have never been the wiser if my Russian Mom and her friend hadn't made such a big fuss. I'm not sure if I should be mad at them or grateful to them. Anyway, I know I visited some amazing tourist sites in Kiev but to this day the things I mention here are what I remember the most.
The Dnieper River runs through Kiev. In the years immediately following the Chernobyl disaster, residents were advised not to swim or eat fish from the river because of radiation contamination. Larissa was so proud to tell me that she took a daily swim in the river. It was like her own personal "fuck you" to the authorities. She was an unconventional lady but I wanted to tell her, "You are swimming in radioactive water (probably). What point are you trying to prove?" I didn't say anything but I thought that it was insane on her part.
Being a city dweller and living in an apartment, Larissa didn't own any land. However she did have access to the city parks. Apparently she made a hobby of secretly planting vegetables in parks around the city. One day my Russian Mom, Larissa and I made a trek to several different parks so she could harvest some fresh potatoes. I vaguely remember seeing a man following us for quite a while but I didn't pay particular attention to him. At one of the parks, I remember you had to go down a set of stairs. While Larissa and my Russian Mom rooted around in the bushes for the contraband potatoes, I stood at the bottom of the stairs waiting for them. It was kind of boring frankly. Suddenly Larissa and my Russian Mom started waving their arms and yelling, "Phew! Get out of here! Leave!" They were looking in my direction. I turned around and the man I'd seen earlier was standing on the steps, uh, pleasuring himself. Maybe "pleasuring himself" isn't exactly the correct phrase to use as you might imagine him reading a book and eating an ice cream cone. To be precise, he was masturbating. To me. I have no idea why; he must have been a sick man. It's funny to me that he was just a few feet behind me and I was oblivious the whole time. He could have finished, zipped up and left and I would have never been the wiser if my Russian Mom and her friend hadn't made such a big fuss. I'm not sure if I should be mad at them or grateful to them. Anyway, I know I visited some amazing tourist sites in Kiev but to this day the things I mention here are what I remember the most.