I was at one of our local malls recently and noticed this next to Santa's chair: I texted several people about my discovery.The first response was from my friend Ivory: My friend Alanna had this to say: Another friend made this point: Just to clarify, she's talking about the medical condition "stroke". Since we were just discussing Santa's privates, it might be easy to jump to the conclusion that we're talking about a different kind of "stroking out". I think we can all agree that no one wants to see either definition in action. And I apologize if I've made you think of Santa in an inappropriate way. At least I didn't entitle this "Santa's Sweaty Taint". (I'm trying to keep things classy around here...). My son is seven (going on eight) and he came home with this request recently: Kids are both so heartbreakingly naive and ridiculously smart with their questions about Santa. A five-year old family member recently requested a Facetime session with Santa. I have to agree that technology has made contacting Santa so much more efficient than when I was a kid. When my son was about 3 or so, he did something bad and I threatened to email Santa. I happened to be scrubbing down the walls of the bathtub when this happened. My son was behind me and he had a meltdown yelling, "DON'T EMAIL SANTA!". I kept on wiping down the walls and didn't look at him. I couldn't let him see my face because then he would have seen that I was laughing. I didn't plan it this way, but the mention of bathtub and the naivety of children allows me to share this story: Just so you know, I got permission from my dental hygienist friend to share her story here. We looked up the photo online and this is the exact reusable douche. Apparently the original version was purple though. OK, I have to stop with the humor for a second to shamelessly beg you to pray, send good vibes or just think positive thoughts about my son. He's having yet ANOTHER surgery this Tuesday, 11/24. It's the second surgery this year and sixth overall. I would tell the details of what's being done but I'm trying to respect his privacy. When he's an adult he might not appreciate me sharing his medical problems with the world. It's nothing life-threatening but more of a quality of life issue. This time he's having a couple of artificial parts put inside him. We've tried to tell him that afterwards he'll kind of be like a Cyborg, which he thinks is cool. He'd still prefer not to have the surgery though. I feel the same. The procedure should last about two hours. As the date gets closer I find myself waking up in the middle of the night having anxiety attacks about all the "what ifs?". I know that worrying won't change the outcome but I can't help myself. My motto: "Worrying-- it's what I do". I know it's easier to pray for people if you have a visual image. Here are a couple of photos of my son from last week. One night he decided to wear his robe around the house like a backwards Snuggie? Why? Even he didn't know why. He just thought it was funny. And it was.
20 Comments
11/18/2015 11:22:05 am
It's so nice of you to end on the note about your son having surgery because that pushes all thought of Santa's sweaty taint and reusable douches right to the back burner. I'm just kidding. There's nothing that will get Santa's sweaty taint out of my mind now that you've brought it up.
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Gina
11/18/2015 12:09:41 pm
The sheer number of times that the phrase "Santa's sweaty taint" shows up in this post now guarantees that my search history is going to be endlessly entertaining (and disturbing) for a while.
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Gina
11/19/2015 09:39:06 am
Hahaha! But will Oprah be in it?
Christopher
11/20/2015 08:54:57 am
http://giphy.com/gifs/oprah-bees-dcubXtnbck0RG
At first I read the title as SWEETY Santa. Boy was I in for a surprise. Hahahaha! :-)
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Gina
11/18/2015 12:17:05 pm
Awww, thanks in advance for the prayers. It's greatly appreciated.
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Margot
11/18/2015 12:55:16 pm
Positive thoughts and prayers coming your way, my dear. I'm sorry you all have to go through this. Again! In a way it's good that your son has had surgery already, since he'll know what to expect and hopefully won't be too frightened. One of the awesome things about kids is how strong and resilient their bodies are (provided that they're generally healthy). They heal so quickly! My daughter had eight teeth pulled last summer in preparation for braces. Four were her wisdom teeth which were nowhere near the surface, so they put her under general anesthesia. It was tough seeing her afterwards, all swollen and confused, and it made me both super anxious and really sad. She had a rough few days, but then it was amazing how quickly she healed. I had *one* molar pulled a couple of years ago and it took weeks to stop hurting and start healing, as opposed to her bouncing back within a few days after having eight teeth pulled. I really hope this is the final surgery for your son's condition.
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Gina
11/18/2015 01:19:00 pm
Thanks for the positive thoughts and prayers! Seriously. I'm shamelessly begging everyone I know. Yeah, I know he'll bounce back quickly but the first few days will be hell. Pain and feeling sick do not make for a happy child. I hope this is the last surgery also.
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Margot
11/18/2015 07:51:25 pm
Does he get sick after the anesthesia? Poor baby. What do they give young kids for pain? 11/18/2015 02:55:01 pm
Gina, I will be thinking of you and praying for your son. I recently became catholic so it has extra powers.
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Gina
11/18/2015 03:04:21 pm
Thanks for the prayers Kristine. I have no doubt at all that your prayers have extra-special powers because you are an awesome, kick-ass woman!
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11/18/2015 04:26:58 pm
I'm telling you: Santa's sweat is milky. So, his taint sweat is probably creamy and goes with cookies. Just in case you needed that mental image...
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Gina
11/18/2015 05:22:00 pm
Bwahahaha! Oh man, I think we're all going to need therapy after imagining dear old Santa in the most inappropriate ways possible. Anyone who reads this post is pretty much guaranteed to end up on the "Naughty List". Totally worth it though...
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Gina
11/19/2015 09:42:16 am
Margot-- he usually barfs profusely from the anesthesia (same for me). The last time he didn't get sick but he had a lot of pain. He was given some kind of narcotic painkiller which he hated to take because of the flavor but it was the only thing that helped. Poor little dude.
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I found your blog on The Bloggess' page. I will pray for you (to not lose your ever lovin' mind) and your son to get better quick. My daughter had tubes put in her ears when she was a toddler and I was a mess. Handing her off to the doctors ripped my heart out. So healing thoughts and prayers coming at ya!
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Gina
11/19/2015 03:39:44 pm
Thanks Marcie! I'm touched that a complete stranger would make the effort to leave a comment and offer to pray for my kid. Just so you know, he's a really good kid! Totally prayer-worthy! (ha). Yeah, handing over the most precious thing in your life to medical personnel is pretty heart wrenching. I'll be glad when it's over.
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Gina
11/20/2015 09:56:58 am
Christopher-- the Oprah thing-- oh my gosh, that is hilarious. How do you find this stuff? Too funny...
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Comment meant for above blog where all comments disappeared. So sorry you feel yucky. So happy your son came through the surgery well. And you had me laughing, like I'm talking clutching my stomach in hysterics at the guys who fondle their junk while trying to have a normal conversation. I'm pretty sure my 18 year old is that guy. Shit.
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Gina
11/27/2015 10:01:09 am
Thanks Sandra for the kind words. Yeah, I feel like crap but at least it's just a cold. It would be horrible to have a stomach virus during Thanksgiving.
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November 2016
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