New topic-- I sent this text out Sunday morning:
I don't know how many of you read the comments section of my posts but I swear most of the time they are funnier than my original post. I received this comment on the last post (which showed Sesame Street bras): So of course I wanted to find out if anyone was making Elton John panties and now this is what my search history looks like: I accepted my friend Ivory's challenge-- note the date and time stamp of my response. Because everyone knows that Friday nights are for sex, booze, rock-n-roll and Microsoft Paint: I went to various websites that allow you to make your own personalized underwear because I found a photo of Elton John wearing a fur hat, which I thought was a perfect naughty image to cover a woman's pubic area. However, every time I tried to upload the photo I had to answer the question, "Are you the legal owner of this photo? Do you certify that this is not a commercial photo, etc., etc." Suddenly it seemed like too much trouble to lie and possibly get in trouble for a silly pair of panties that a twelve-year old boy (and me) would find amusing. Next up-- random nonsense that my friends and family were subjected to on Saturday: Later I decided that everyone needed to see the furniture with their own eyes: When I look at these chairs all I can is imagine is how I would react if I was expected to use one. First, for the top one I'd be like, "Where do I put my legs? Like this? Wait, that's uncomfortable. Maybe this is for my arms? This is taking too long. Now I'm cold. Could you go get me a blanket? Actually, could we just go to the bed since that's where the blankets are?". The bottom one scares me because it appears to have actual chains and shackles. Ummm, nope. Just nope. Also, if the room was stuffy, I imagine my thighs would get sweaty and stick to the legs of the chair and then painfully peel away from the vinyl and make an unattractive sound. Which is not very ladylike. Or sexy. Obviously I am not the intended market for these chairs. New topic-- I sent this text out Sunday morning: In my mind, a bloody red door covered with bone chips would probably look kind of like Peppermint Bark. Something like this maybe (except the background would be much redder): You'll think of this come December when someone offers you Peppermint Bark. Sorry if I've ruined it for you forever...
15 Comments
TwerlaP
7/27/2015 03:07:48 pm
So. When this post showed on my reader, I called my mom. To get the whole Ricky story. Her first question was ' Who is Ricky Martin?'. Apparently she was in an outlet mall and got some recommendations from some teenagers that were standing around. I'm eternally 13 to her I guess.
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Gina
7/27/2015 03:37:24 pm
Hahaha... that actually is a pretty good story though not as good as if your mom had been love with Ricky Martin, I agree. Do you still have the bra? If yes, send me a photo and I'll post it. The world is dying to see a Ricky Martin bra. Is his face in the middle of the bra so that the nipple placement makes for weird facial protrusions? These questions need answers.
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Maybe we need a special viewing of Fifty Shades of Grey to help explain how to use the furniture. And I'd think you'd want your own red room (with lock and key, of course) if you buy any of it. If you haven't read the post about my red pile, I do believe it fits in nicely with all this talk about sex furniture. :-)
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Gina
7/28/2015 02:17:13 am
Just read the Red Pile post you mentioned. Ha! Yes, I too have a red pile. And a black pile. And a white pile (bleach only stuff). Laundry is the bane of my existence.
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TwerlaP
7/27/2015 11:31:40 pm
First: The bra was pale blue, and there were two pictures of Ricky. They were like big polka dots til you looked close. It also had 'La Vida Loca!!' written in various places. (Do you need my cup size too? She asked, blinking shyly.)
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Gina
7/28/2015 02:21:49 am
Oh Twerla-- I'm so sorry! I cringe for you but at the same time it's really funny. Yeah, my blog is not meant for the very young or the very old. I can't censor myself though. This is just how my brain works. My website is my one place where I can be myself. Actually, you know what, I do censor myself somewhat. There are some things that are funny but are too embarassing to share. So let's say it could have been much, much worse!
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TwerlaP
7/28/2015 02:58:25 pm
I kinda cringed too, til I realized my mom has seen and heard much worse from me, than a chair(unfortunately). She actually dragged my dad over to take a look. 7/28/2015 02:39:10 am
You did a nice job on the Mr. T jockstrap, but the real one would have more bling. That's what the world needs: a jockstrap that's furry in some parts and gold-plated in others.
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Gina
7/28/2015 03:24:40 am
The Mr. T jockstrap totally needs more bling. However, I don't know how to use Photoshop and my Paint skills are pretty poor, so this was the best I could do.
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7/28/2015 10:58:31 am
Now that you mention peppermint bark, I just realized that logically at least some of the bone fragments in this global bone storm would belong to elves and reindeer Santa's gone through over the years (even magic reindeer probably don't live forever, and let's face it, there have to have been at least SOME casualties in that workshop).
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Gina W.
7/28/2015 11:08:38 am
Holy shit, you're right! That makes the pepermint bark seem kind of magical and special. That's an awesome connection. Though from the dream I got the feeling that humanity was doomed. I can't imagine it would be good to breathe in bone dust. It's probably damaging to our lungs, just like volcanic ash. This is one of the stranger thoughts I've ever had, I just have to mention. And yes, I realize this entire conversation was brought on by the bizarre thoughts of my strange little brain...
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7/29/2015 11:35:08 am
We do seem to have a history of amplifying each other's weird thoughts. Oh. My. Holy. God. Of. Laughter. If we were neighbors I would Pinterest search "How to make a homemade wreath of bones," make that shit, and gift it to you on an inappropriate holiday. Like, Valentines Day. I'd even shellac it so it would be able to stand up to the Bone Storm if that ever actually occurs. Also, this might be slightly unrelated, but you should totally check out Wolf Cop on Netflix. THOSE are things you just can't unsee. EVER. And, some of the scenes ight be inspiration for new undies at some point!
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Gina
8/1/2015 06:18:42 pm
I would be honored to have a homemade bone wreath. With a beautiful red bow for Valentine's Day. And it would be the perfect gift because I always try to change out my door wreath each season. You are a thoughtful and kind person Shawna. :)
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OK, well, you've forced my hand on the issue. I don't like horror movies either because I have super bad dreams about mostly my kids sinking in swamps or being kidnapped after I watch them, but Wolf Cop was a gem because... SPOILER ALERT.... Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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