This happened one day last week:
I rarely have posts that contain one specific theme; usually it's just random nonsense thrown together. So I'm happy to announce that today's post DOES have a theme. The bad thing is that it's all about toilets. I am aware that this post will not be receiving a literary award nomination in the near future. This happened one day last week: Because it was lunchtime the cafe was packed. I saw people look at me as I emerged from the restroom. It was one of those unisex single stalls. Surrounded by tables. I swear, it's the worst restroom placement ever. I guess I should have played my part and stood there at the door and fanned it back and forth to make it look like I was airing out the enclosed space. "You DO NOT want to go in there. Trust me". Ugh-- just imagining that makes me die a little bit on the inside. I hate being embarrassed in public. Maybe because I do it all the time... My next potty incident involved a celebrity. Hmmm... that's a sentence I never imagined I'd write before. This happened over the weekend: I had to send a follow up email a few minutes later: One friend replied with this: If I'm honest, I can't remember where the stuck toilet seat cover happened. It may not have been at a rest area. It may have been an airport restroom. These are the kinds of events I like to block from my mind, so the memory is kind of fuzzy. My son is currently in day camp with our local YMCA. He goes on THREE field trips a week to really fun places and I'm completely jealous of how much more fun his summer is compared to mine. Anyway, last week the kids went to a park with a small lake and he had the opportunity to fish. But he didn't. I asked why and he said, "I needed to pee the whole time". Um, OK. I asked him why didn't he just use the restroom? He said there was only one restroom and it was yucky and the stall didn't even have a door on it. Apparently the lack of the door was the deal-killer. He said he wished he could have just peed outside but he would have gotten in trouble. Anyway, I told him about my experiences in public restrooms in Russia which also lacked doors sometimes. It wasn't pleasant but it was still better than suffering with a full bladder. Sometimes there were no cubicle walls at all-- just holes in the ground with little feet outlines to show you where to squat. Here's an image of one of these Russian toilets that I found online (without the helpful feet markers): Speaking of Russian toilets, I wrote this post back in December. Click here if you'd like to read it. Just the first third of the post is about toilets, so it's not a long read. Lastly is a comment my son made this weekend which doesn't involve a potty but the topic is close enough that it fits in today's post: This concludes my shit and potty post. Sorry if I set off your gag reflex at any point. The next time I'll try to write about something more pleasant like pancakes (that was the first pleasant thing that popped into my mind; maybe because I made pancakes for dinner last night). In the meantime, enjoy this adorable image of a bunny. This photo puts me into cuteness overload:
10 Comments
6/15/2015 03:53:39 am
If there were a "Dear John" literary award you would win it just for your Whole Foods experience. I like to think there's an architect who is still kept awake at night by having to put the bathroom among all the tables. Also I wonder what kind of park your son was in that didn't have a sufficiently wooded area for him to disappear into, but then I thought he probably wasn't allowed to wander off alone. Also there's a park near me where people fish that doesn't have any wooded areas with sufficient cover to take care of business. You're obligated to use the brick cottage right off the main path.
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Gina
6/15/2015 06:18:17 am
Regarding my son in the park-- no, he wasn't allowed to wander away. He's going to have to get over his dislike of disgusting bathrooms. One time right before soccer practice he needed to pee (because he had failed to do so before we left the house) and he refused to use the on-site porta-potty. Which is meant I had to drive to a nearby office park that had a tiny wooded area. I told him to go behind a tree but instead he stood directly IN FRONT of the tree on the parking lot side. So I'm sure the security cameras got a nice view of him emptying his bladder. Nice.
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Gee I'm glad I've never had to take care of any business at Whole Foods. I had no idea they have restrooms like that. The bunny pic reminds me of when this a-hole project manager sent out a really funny email. We were working on this huge system migration project and everyone was all stressed out and he sends this email with work crap but threw in spontaneous pictures of cute puppies and kittens with cute captions. I had to admit it WAS funny, even though the guy was a total dickhead.
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Gina
6/16/2015 01:07:41 am
Regarding the Whole Foods toilets, I think it's stupid that they didn't install a commercial toilet in the public restroom. I know they were trying to show that they care about the environment with their low flow toilet, but c'mon, I wasted a TON of water by flushing it so many times. Even worse was that I had to wait for the tank to fill each time, so I swear I was in that stupid restroom for at least 10 minutes.
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6/16/2015 10:52:57 am
No content-related apology required, in my opinion, but you probably already knew that. I must say, our toilet convo on Twitter was one of the most oddly enjoyable chats I've ever had with a stranger on the internet.
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Gina
6/16/2015 11:19:27 am
It was an enjoyable! conversation! And I also thought to myself, "Perhaps it's inappropriate to share this kind of information with a stranger." But the anonymity of the internet tears down walls and makes it easier to bare your soul. Plus I had read your blog before as well as your comments on the Bloggess' website so I knew you were/are a kindred spirit. I keep meeting like-minded people thanks to her. It's like she's providing a public service so that the strange people of the world can find each other. Bless her...
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Rainbow Brite
6/16/2015 11:35:23 am
I too am familiar with the hole in the ground toilet, I learned about them when I lived in Turkey. Not at all convenient or manageable when wearing a full snowsuit and ski boots. I don't think you need the details.
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Gina
6/16/2015 11:59:21 am
Oh God, I can't even imagine. I did live in Moscow one winter but I never had to use one of those toilets wearing full winter gear. That would be a nightmare. I remember using the hole-in-the-ground toilet one time at a train station and a woman directly across from using her own hole made eye contact with me and wouldn't look away. As if using that kind of toilet wasn't bad enough, I had to have a stranger watch me. Even the filthiest gas station restroom in America is preferable to that experience.
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Russian toilets, ew......on the other hand, in America we have commercials for toilet paper.....it seems you're either a bear whose parents are concerned that you wiped well (even though you're a bear and you go commando all the time and you don't have hands but claws which personally I think would be pretty painful to use in wiping).....or, you have someone asking about your bum in a British accent and whether you feel clean enough to go commando. What's up with that???
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Gina
6/17/2015 02:30:18 am
Yeah, I also have noticed that toilet paper commercials have gotten REALLY direct lately. I had favorited this tweet by comedian Paula Pell:
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November 2016
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